Opposites Attract June 22, 2012

It’s official. If it weren’t for Mark Groutas, I would be all work and no play. We’ve been in the midst of life upheaval this year to say the least, and last week as I was in the throws of working from sun up to sun down in order to get our new house unpacked and settled he booked a condo in Breckenridge for our family to get away this week. My initial reaction (in my head): “Are you smoking crack?! We are in the middle of trying to unpack and settle this house which is exactly HALF the size of our house in Austin which means we have to purge half the stuff we have. We are not even close to finishing that job, and you want to go to the mountains for 5 days right before a 4-6 week stretch of having out-of-town house guests coming and going from this new home???!!!!!” Notice. This was the reaction IN MY HEAD. If there is only one thing I’ve learned in almost 15 years of marriage to my wonderful, glass-more-than-half-full, fun-loving, when-I’m-not-on-vacation-I’m-planning-a-vacation man, it’s that I better not have a negative response to the idea of something he’s excited about. Now, friends, I must admit that most of the time I fail at keeping my knee-jerk reactions of sarcasm to myself. Fortunately, this time (by the grace of God) I was initially able to keep my doubts to myself.

Can I just be fully transparent with all of you for a minute? This has been a hard year. We have been through more trials than I would ever wish on my worst enemy. I’m not even kidding. My new God-given friend, Jenny, asks me every week, “How are you? You know what you all are going through right now is NOT normal, right? You know that this isn’t the way life is going to be forever, right? You know not everybody could do what you’re doing, right?” Thank you, Jesus, for someone who is speaking truth to me and trying to keep me sane!

Friends, I’m warning you now. Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it. And, when you get what you ask for, you might realize that you really didn’t know what you were asking for. We asked God to show us what He wants us to do. We told Him that our lives, our family, our livelihood, everything is His. We asked Him to do what He wanted with us. We didn’t know what we were asking for. We still don’t know all that He has in store, but the ride so far has been AMAZING. It hasn’t been easy, clean, seamless, or what we planned. It’s been challenging, scary, sometimes heart-breaking, but it’s also been beautiful. God truly brings beauty from ashes!

So, here I sit in Breckenridge, CO after having been here for 4 days. I thought Mark was crazy for booking this trip. I have to admit that I even let him know the day before we left home that I wasn’t so sure this was the wisest choice. There is SO MUCH TO GET DONE AT HOME! I drove away from Denver not sure that I would be able to enjoy this little vacation, but now I’m here to publicly confess that this getaway was just what I needed. Look! Here I am writing for the first time in months. Getting away from the chaos of everyday life has helped me take a deep breath, sleep, relax, and enjoy my husband and kids. We will jump right back into the chaos tomorrow when we get back to Denver, but maybe we will be able to approach it all with a better perspective. It looks like after all these years Mark sometimes knows what I need more than I do. All work and no play makes Stephanie a very cranky girl. Here’s to opposites attracting! 

Guest Post by Mark Groutas March 31, 2012

Thoughts on Exodus by Mark Groutas:

The lessons in the story of the Exodus seem to be endless, but I’m particularly struck by how God prepares his people for freedom.  It begins with a season of withholding His presence and allowing the nation to feel the pain of slavery. For is there truly such a thing as freedom for those who do not feel the need to be free?
Once the Lord reveals himself to Moses at the burning bush, He reintroduces himself to the people of Israel through the wonders of the plagues. This is a fascinating part of the narrative, with each plague usurping the power of the egyptian gods and the magicians in Pharoah’s court. This demonstration of God’s power is as much (if not more) for the nation of Israel than for the Egyptians or Pharoah himself. God’s chosen people were living in a foreign land, with strange gods, and pagan practices. They needed a cleansing.

This is really convicting. I am described as an alien and stranger in this world (I Pet 2:11), so why do I often not feel that way? Why does the world sometimes feel cozy and friendly…like home? I need cleansing. I need transformation from a renewed mind. I often need the very same process that God took the Israelites through. And it begins with HIS demonstration that the “magic” of this world is false, that it’s gods are strange, and that He alone is faithful and true. This necessary process is why God hardens Pharaoh’s heart, making him unwilling to let the people go. He didn’t want the Israelites to be free until they had seen his power and were truly ready to embrace freedom.

Stories like this cause me to appreciate the process. I’m sure the Israelites just wanted to run out of Egypt with their hair on fire. And that’s how I feel a lot of the time. I wanna move; I wanna get stuff done; I wanna run…fast. Our culture is built for speed. Faster food, faster download times, shorter lines and shorter waits are what I want on a daily basis. If I approach my spiritual life in the same hurried manner, I’ll likely miss what He’s trying to accomplish in me along the way.
In the story, even the great Moses only saw one goal – freedom. He didn’t see God’s other goals – spiritual formation. Sanctification. He wouldn’t begin to understand these things until Chapter 20 and his encounter with God on Mt Sinai.

I’m so grateful for the Word. That we can learn from these stories and actually gain a perspective on God’s processes that even Moses didn’t have in the moment! whoa.
It encourages me to be patient and trusting. We’ve been given the Holy Spirit so let’s be sensitive to Him. The Lord’s plan is perfect, and He always accomplishes great things with or without us, so how we get there – the journey – matters as much as anything.

Steph’s response:

I have a confession to make to all of you. I really needed these words today. I’m so thankful for how God uses His Word and His people to speak to my heart. I haven’t been enjoying all of the process these last couple months. I have kind of shut down a bit on every level – emotionally, spiritually, physically – simply because I’m impatient and tired of the process. Basically, I’ve been treating God the same way my preteen treats me when she doesn’t get what she wants right when she wants it. Sheesh…

Today begins a new chapter for me in this process.

For my own daily devotional time, I have been reading Henri Nouwen’s “Here and Now.” I’d like to share with you all a passage that really spoke to me yesterday.

“So the real question is: Can we do anything to worry less and be more at peace? If it is true that we cannot change anything by worrying about it, how then can we train our minds not to waste time and energy with anxious ruminations that make us spin around inside of ourselves. Jesus says, ‘Set your heart on God’s kingdom first.’ That gives us a hint as to the right direction.”

This has been me: wasting time and energy with anxious ruminations making me spin around inside myself. My prayer for all of us is that we would set our hearts on God’s kingdom first. May His Kingdom come. May His will be done. In our hearts. In our lives. In our homes. In our city. In this world.

 

Back in the Swing of Things March 29, 2012

It seems that I had a lot to say and write about until I started trying to blog. Then, suddenly, I got stuck in my own head. I have to admit. I am not a huge fan of change. I LOVE the idea of change. I like dreaming big dreams. I even get excited when we start taking steps toward those dreams, but somewhere between the first steps and the end results I get paralyzed. Fear takes over. I end up being like Peter who got all excited to step out of the boat and walk to Jesus on the water. Then, I take my eyes off Jesus and start looking around me and thinking about tons of overwhelming details (ie: What if I drown/fail?), and I start sinking. Surely, I’m not alone in this struggle. Right?

Our “core team” has started a new exercise together. We are studying “The Essential 100” together. This is a Bible reading plan of 100 selected passages (50 from the Old Testament & 50 from the New Testament). Each day we are emailing our responses to the day’s passage to one another. This accountability is helping me get back in the habit of reflecting on God’s Word and writing about it. I’ve been doing a good amount of reflecting over the past few months, but I have not been writing. Writing is actually what God uses in my life to teach me. Writing helps me internalize what I have read. Writing gets me out of my own head.

So I thought I’d share with you, my friends, some of my reflections. Here’s the one for today:

Exodus 32 response:

There is so much to learn from Moses’s interaction with God. Of course, we know the story and have seen the movie, but have we really studied what went on?

I am dumbfounded by the immaturity of the Israelite people. Apparently, they had a hard time with short-term memory. Just a few weeks before this God had delivered them from Egypt. They had walked across dry land as the Red Sea parted and then watched as the sea enveloped the Egyptian army that pursued them. As Moses is up on the mountain getting some instruction from the God who just delivered them, they got as impatient as a mob of preschoolers and decided they needed a new god to worship. If that weren’t bad enough, Aaron buys into it and actually makes them a golden calf to worship. God tells Moses what is going on down at the bottom of the mountain, and let’s Moses know that He has had it with those “stubborn and rebellious people.”(32:9 NLT) God has even made up His mind what He is going to do about it. He tells Moses, “Now then let Me alone, that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them; and I will make of you a great nation.” (32:10 NAS) Here God is telling Moses that He is going to wipe out the Israelites and start over with Moses. He’s promising Moses what He promised Abraham. Whoa!

What was Moses’ response? He went to bat for his people. He begged God to give them another chance. He reminded God of His own Nature and what His promises were to Abraham, Isaac, and Israel. The outcome? Moses changed God’s MIND! This is such a convicting reminder to me to be faithful to intercede for others before the Lord. God listens to the cries of His people. He hears us and responds to us when we bow to Him.

Who do you need to intercede for today? How can the rest of us intercede for you?

Tales From The Commune vol. 1 January 27, 2012

Living communally has its definite ups and downs. I’m happy to report that if you pick the right people to live with it is a real blessing most of the time. More than anything, we have to be able to have a great sense of humor about most everything, or I think we would all go completely nuts (We are all already a little nuts anyway!). So, I’ve decided to regularly share some of our comic relief with you, my friends. I’m going to name the blog series, “Tales From The Commune.”

Today’s tale is entitled:  Oops! I’m stuck here.

Last Saturday, PG went out to get something from her car parked in front of our house. When she got outside, she discovered this:

Yep, folks. A completely flat tire.

This is when living communally comes in handy. I’ve let her borrow my minivan all week to get back and forth to work, but that means that the rest of us have had to work out transportation/carpooling. Fortunately, Mark and Jon have schedules that are similar (coffee with this guy, lunch meeting with that guy, board meeting there, rub shoulders with those people), so that means they’ve been able to ride together a lot. This leaves me with Mark’s truck to do my taxi duties with the kids.

Well, this morning everyone was up and out pretty early except for Kindsey and me. We were enjoying a bit of a lazy Friday morning after a busy week and hosting a dinner last night. At 10:24am suddenly it dawns on me that I never talked through car sharing with anyone last night or this morning. Immediately this is the text convo I have with Mark (who is up in the mountains with Jon for the day):

Me: Did you take Jon’s Jeep so that I can use the truck to pick up the kids from school?

Mark: Shoot! The keys to the truck are in my pocket!!!!! Darn it, my bad. What r our options? Whit gets home soon right?

Me: IDK. Can u get back in time to get them?

Silence…..no response.

I call Whitney and explain what’s up and ask her what time she gets off work today. She says she can leave the Colorado Athletic Club at 2:30pm, but it takes her awhile to get to her car, plus it’s snowing so she doesn’t know how long it will take her to get from downtown back out to west Denver. People, my kids get out of school at 2:45. It’s freezing cold and snowing outside, and they have to stand out in it and wait for their ride. Their school has no buses, and we live too far for them to walk. I decide to call the office to let them know that Whit will be picking the kids up from school, but that it may be after 3pm before she gets there. So, please for heaven’s sake can my babies wait inside in the office?
Don’t ask me why, but I tend to be a teensy bit scared of school secretaries. If you have ever worked in a school (which I have) or spent much time in a school, you know that the school secretaries have the majority of the power in a school. Yes. The principal is the boss, but to get to the principal you have to get through the support staff first. If you get on their bad side, you may as well transfer schools, because they can make you and your kids’ lives hell for years. This particular secretary that I spoke with this morning has worked at this school for over 20 years, and she intimidates me. The principal at the school this year is new. He’s there on an interim basis, a trial year. He wants to stay on as the principal permanently. I guarantee you that he’s scared of her. I know I am, so having to call and admit imperfection to her was not my happiest moment.

Rather than let all this upset me and ruin my day, I just had to laugh. Seriously.

To make matters worse. Now, the dishwasher isn’t working. Their are 8 people living here. Some days I run that thing 3 times! After our little dinner party last night, I stacked dishes in that sucker like it was a game of Tetris. I’m not kidding you when I say that I do not know anyone who can fit more dishes in a dishwasher than me. It’s an obsession.

Granted. The machine is old, but it has worked great for the 4 months we have lived here. Late last night after loading her down I switched her on just like I have multiple times a day for the past 4 months, but I got nothing. Nothing happened. I tried again, and again, and again. I begged. I opened and closed her. I pleaded. I sent Mark to check the fuse box. I shook her a little and gave her a little “love” kick. I may have even dropped an inappropriate word or two. Then I decided to just go to bed and pray to God that she would work this morning. Nope. She’s still not working. I think we’ve done her in. I refuse to unload all those dishes and wash them by hand. Paper plates and plastic ware are in our future. Sorry, Earth. I love you, but I am living with too many people to be hand washing dishes. This will conserve water, and I promise I’ll buy the plates that are biodegradable. Costco here I come as soon as someone comes home with a car and car keys I can use.

Getting unstuck January 18, 2012

Do you ever just get stuck? I’ve been stuck in my own head lately. We’ve had so much going on in our lives. So much change. It’s exciting and scary and fun and crazy all at the same time, and sometime in the past month I think I just shut down. I tried to turn off my brain, because I had been stuck in my own head for awhile. Thinking. Thinking. Thinking. Trying to figure out how to live in a new city in a different part of the country doing a new work and living with extra people in my house somehow started to overwhelm me. I can’t imagine why!

I think turning off our brains and just living life in automatic is what a lot of Americans do. It’s easier to deal with life’s hectic pace and social expectations when we disconnect from ourselves and each other. I believe this is why we have so many people addicted to so many crazy things like online gaming, alcohol, drugs, Facebook, Twitter, gambling, pornography, and the list could go on and on. These things help us dissociate from the immediate world around us and escape into something else.

When I check out of living intentionally, I tend to watch too much trash tv, and I quit writing altogether. In order to write you have to think, and in order to think you have to feel. Feeling stinks somethings, and writing leaves me completely exposed. I’ve always been a writer (not really for anyone else. Just for me and sometimes for God.) I started journaling as early as I can remember. I just like to write stuff down. Mostly, I write to process how I feel, think and what I’m experiencing or learning. I write down things that I want to remember. I have an entire large moving box full of journals that represent my entire adult life and experiences to date. If my house ever caught fire, I would grab that box instead of my kids’ photo albums. I have digital copies of their pictures, for heaven’s sake, but there are no copies of those journals.

All this to confess that I needed a kick in the pants this month. I needed something to force me to think and feel and push through the post holiday blahs. Enter Jen Hatmaker’s new book, 7: an experimental mutiny against excess.

First, you need to know what 7 is all about. Jen took seven areas of excess (food, clothes, possessions, media, waste, spending, stress) and focussed on each a month at a time. It is “an exercise in simplicity with one goal: to create space for God’s kingdom to break through.” Click here to view the video explaining 7.

I think that the structure of the book is what makes it resonate. It’s basically her journal documenting the journey she, her family and her friends took through this social experiment against excess. She shares the good, the bad, the ugly, the highs, and the lows. Some entries consist of confessions. Other entries share amazing spiritual and emotional revelations. Then, in true Jen Hatmaker form there are some entries that are just downright funny. It’s truly easier to digest writing like this,

“Jesus‘ kingdom continues in the same manner it was launched; through humility, subversion, love, sacrifice; through calling empty religion to reform and behaving like we believe the meek will inherit the earth. We cannot carry the gospel into the poor and lowly while emulating the practices of the rich and powerful. We’ve been invited into a story that begins with humility and ends with glory; never the other way around.“

when it’s surrounded by comments like, “Were it not for the intervention of the Holy Spirit, my girlfriends and I would end up on Jerry Springer.”

The sections on clothes and possessions forced me to come face to face with my need to be accepted by others. Now. I have to say. I’m not a shopper or a spender. The majority of my clothes have probably been bought on sale at Target, because I was there to buy milk. Just because I don’t really enjoy the clothes shopping process doesn’t mean I don’t care about what I wear and how I look. 7 made me think about how my clothes make me feel, why I dress the way I do, and how much time I spend caring about my outsides instead of my insides. I love Jen’s reflection on her clothes as she was donating them to SafePlace.

“I thought about how my lovely clothes propped up the outside while my inside was struggling to find it’s way. I smile to think of a broken abused woman slipping these pretty things on and propping up the outside a bit during her healing process. I pray they remind her that she is beautiful, she is valuable, she is worth it.”

Reading 7 this month has reminded me how fortunate I am to be a part of a faith community and friend network that is seeking the way of Jesus. I am reminded that there is so much we can accomplish when we all join together to live simply, responsibly and intentionally. Will you join us?

When I grow up… December 28, 2011

When I grow up, I want to be just like Poppy.

This is Mark’s grandfather, Poppy.

He is an amazing individual.

First, he’s 81 years old, and I promise you that he’s in better shape than two-thirds of the U.S. population. A couple years ago he was running his usual 4 miles a day when he felt a little winded. This shortness of breath caused him to become concerned enough to make an appointment with his cardiologist. Come to find out, he had blockage in his arteries and needed heart surgery, but he had adverted a heart attack. I ask you: Who does that? Who on earth works out religiously and then gets concerned about some windedness and goes to visit their dr. about it? I’ll tell you who! The Poppy.

Second, he is passionate and faithful. Poppy has loved the same woman for his entire life, and he overcame some serious obstacles to make her his wife. Mark’s Mimi passed away 10 years ago, but Poppy has remained in love with her to this day. He still carries her picture in his wallet. Mimi is from Seoul, Korea. She was raised as nobility there. Her grandmother was a lady in waiting in the queen’s court. Her ancestors lived their lives within the palace compound. Mimi was married to a member of the Korean General Assembly before the Korean War. Mark’s mother is the off-spring of that marriage. When the communists overthrew the government in Seoul, Mark’s Mother’s biological father was kidnapped by the North Koreans (as far as we know he was assassinated). Mimi was left widowed with a child. Fortunately, Mimi was well-educated and multilingual. After the Korean War was over, Mimi got a job at the American Postal Exchange, and that’s where Poppy met her. They hit it off and started dating, but by the time Poppy decided he wanted to marry her it was too late. According to Uncle Sam, he had to report back to the U.S. immediately, and there was no time for nuptials. He returned to the U.S. without his love, and he spent the next 9 months working and saving money in order to return to Korea for her (much to his mother’s dismay). You see. Poppy is the son of a WASP Kentucky family. His father was a judge in the Kentucky State Supreme Court. It was expected that after he finished his law degree at the University of Kentucky and then served his term as an officer in the United States military that he would return home and marry a debutante. Instead, he returned to Korea married Mimi and brought her back to Kentucky with him where he started his law practice. He adopted her daughter (Mark’s mother), and the rest is history.

I’ve learned a lot from Poppy over the past 16 years of knowing him. Here are just a few:

1) Love what you do, and give it your all.

Friends, the man is, I repeat, EIGHTY-ONE years old, and he still works almost full time! He is a federal court judge for the Social Security Administration, and he has been for over 20 years. Every year for the past several years he’s told us, “This is my last year to work. I’m not going to renew my contract on the retired judge circuit when it’s up.” So far he’s still working. When the time comes around to quit, he just can’t do it. He enjoys what he does and can’t imagine what else he’d do with his time. Which leads to the next thing I’ve learned from Poppy…

2) Work hard to play hard!

Poppy LOVES vacation. Vacations are what he works hard to be able to do. He grew up with a grandfather that would take the family on vacations, and that’s what he does. If you see a 6 ft tall, 81 year old man with a Kentucky accent at a Disney theme park with 3 Asian-American great grandchildren working hard to keep up with him, that’s our Poppy and my kids. He loves Disney and roller-coasters as much as a kid loves candy, and he raised his grandson, Mark, to feel the same way. Now, the 2 of them are brainwashing my children to believe that no vacation is complete without spending at least 2 FULL days (from the time the park opens until the time it closes) at a theme park preferably a Disney park. We are so thankful to have a grandfather that loves to play and take us on vacation once a year. As my girlfriend says, “Everyone should have a Poppy.”

3) Be self-disciplined.

Poppy is the most self-disciplined individual I believe I have ever known. Until after having heart surgery, he worked out a minimum of 5 days a week. I’m talking full on running long distances well into his 70s. Now, at 81 post open heart surgery he works out 3 days a week because he says he needs a day in between workouts to recover. Ummm. I’m way younger, and I need at least a day between workouts. That’s if I bother to workout at all, but enough about me. Also, did I mention? He only eats 2 meals a day. That’s it. Sometimes he may eat a piece of fruit mid day, but mostly it’s just breakfast and dinner for Poppy. If all my family required of me from the kitchen was oatmeal and a muffin for breakfast and then salad, fish, bread, and steamed veggies for dinner each day, my life would be so much easier.

4) Love God and Love people.

This is definitely the grand finale. Poppy loves the Lord even more than he loves Mimi, his family, his job and vacations combined. How do I know this? By the way he has lived his life and dedicated himself to ministering to others and teaching God’s Word.

It wasn’t enough for Poppy and Mimi to just attend church. They have been very involved in the local church. They even earned seminary degrees in order to be more knowlegable teachers and leaders. They put those degrees to work too. Mimi was an outreach pastor in a Korean church. Poppy has taught Bible classes in the local church since the 1960s. He has been very dedicated to prison ministry as well driving a good distance every week to a juvenile prison to build relationships with and mentor young men.

In addition to giving their his time and talents over the years to God, he and Mimi have always been generous with finances too. They have given not only a tithe (10%) to their local church, but also given sacrificially to other organizations working around the world to meet the needs of the poor and oppressed.

James 1:27 says, “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.”

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35

Do you love what you do? Are you dedicated to your spouse and family? Do you work hard AND play hard (with your family)? Are you taking care of the body God gave you? What are you doing to love God? What are you doing to love people (especially those in need)?

These are some of the questions I am pondering as 2012 approaches. I hope that you will think on these too. I don’t know about you, but when my kids have kids I hope that I will be someone they aspire to emulate.

Season of Changes December 7, 2011

Changes. There have been a whole lot of changes taking place in the Groutas household over the past year, and as we are quickly approaching the end of 2011 we have more changes in store. Many of the changes that have taken place are very obvious. Mark resigned as Pastor of Worship at a big, ole Texas mega-church. We moved from Austin, TX to Denver, CO. (People, if you’ve lived your entire life in the South, this kind of move is a big deal! I didn’t realize what I was getting into when we decided to leave the South. Wow. I’ll have to write an entire post on that topic later.) We left total suburban life to live city life. Moved from a brand new home that we owned into a lease house built in the 1960s (Think 6 different kinds of linoleum throughout the house, 2 different styles of cheap carpet, pink wall tiles & pink laminate counters in the bathroom with a turquoise ceramic sink and bathtub. I’ll spare you the other details. Let’s just say we are still battling a bit of a rodent issue.). All this because we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is calling us into something new and different.

We’ve invited some of our closest friends to be in on this adventure with us. As a result, Jon and Whitney Branch and Pamelagrace Okeke relocated too, and we are all living as a big, happy family in the aforementioned lovely, old home. Fortunately, the house is 4600 sq. ft. (that includes a portion of the basement that is unfinished), so there is enough room for all of us. The home is a ranch style house with living room, dining room, kitchen, 3 bedrooms & 1 full bath on the main floor with den & wet bar with walk out patio to backyard, gameroom/office, 2 bedrooms, 1 full bath, and unfinished workroom in the basement. My kids are living on the main floor of the the house each with their own bedroom. All the adults are living in the basement. Each couple has their own bedroom, and PG is living in the gameroom/office (we just installed a curtain rod with curtains to close off her room for privacy). Jon and Whit have 2 cats and a big dog. We have a little weiner dog and a snake. So, just to recap: We have 5 adults, 3 children, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a snake all living together. It is truly an adventure!

Communal living is amazing. It’s not easy, but it is truly awesome. Over the years, I’ve read plenty of books that tout the glory of communal living (i.e. Blue Like Jazz, and The Irresistible Revolution), but I always thought it wasn’t possible for us especially with our children. Communal living sounds so hippy-dippy. You know? What I can tell you now already is that everyone should live like this at least once in their lifetime. I have learned more about myself in the past couple months that I have in 5 years. I kid you not. Living in community puts a spotlight directly on your weaknesses. For those of you that have been married, remember how hard those first few years were, because you were learning to consider someone else in every situation? You had to learn to consider your spouse’s feelings about everything, right? Well, Mark and I have been married almost 15 years. We are a pretty well-oiled machine when it comes to day to day living and raising kids together. Of course, we hit snags and bumps along the way, but on a daily basis we pretty much know how the other person is going to think, react, etc. Now. Throw 3 new adults into the living situation, and life gets a lot more complicated. Now there are a whole lot of other feelings and idiosyncrasies to take into consideration on a daily basis. I’ve learned that I’m a lot more controlling than I thought I was. I like things a certain way in my house, and when they aren’t that way it really bothers me. I’ve had to learn to let the stuff slide that really isn’t all that important. I’ve had to become more disciplined in the areas where I have allowed myself to slack off – managing time & energy, not letting dishes sit in the sink, planning meals, getting completely alone with God (not easy in a house full of 8 people on different schedules coming and going all the time), etc. The only way we can all continue to live together for an indefinite amount of time is for each of us to look for ways to serve one another and for each individual to focus on his/her own issues/areas of needed growth. It boils down to humility, and Whitney recently wrote about the subject of humility in an excellent blog post from her perspective of our living situation. You can check it out at whitneybranch.wordpress.com.

As Christmas is just around the corner, there is another key change happening for the Groutas family. We are simplifying Christmas. This has been a work in progress over the last few years. Every year as Christmas approaches my girlfriends and I have had lengthy conversations about how we are sick to death with the way our society has commercialized Christmas and how we as the Christian community have bought in to it. We’ve tried different approaches to counter the culture. One year we resolved to put “Love your neighbor as yourself.” into practice and spend the same dollar amount on a family/families in need as we did for our own family. Sheesh. That got seriously expensive, because we still weren’t really good at reining in the spending on our own family yet. For a couple of years now we went by the rule of my dear next door neighbor, Jonna, and bought for each kid “something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read.”

We’ve never been big on Santa at our house. Mark grew up without Santa and honestly can’t stand the thought of giving some fictional character all the credit and glory for our own benevolence. Just so that our kids wouldn’t be the Kindergarteners that ruined the Santa “magic” for all the other kids and their families we’ve given our kids each 1 gift from Santa each year. My two oldest kids became very aware at young ages that Santa is Mom and Dad, because we were never committed to the lie. I bought a children’s book when our oldest was a toddler titled Santa, Are You For Real?, and we bring it out with all the Christmas decorations every year and read it. It’s the basic history of St. Nicholas. This year we just aren’t going to do Santa at all. The kids get so much stuff from their grandparents, aunts and uncles that really it’s unnecessary for them to get one more gift. My children don’t NEED anything. They have more than enough. In the moving process, we donated 5 truck loads of stuff to Goodwill (I have receipts to prove it) and threw away another truck bed or 2 full of junk. They have not missed any of it! I wish I would have gotten rid of more. If you’ve never purged your stuff, you must! I’m telling you. It is the most liberating experience. Weight lifts from your shoulders. It’s addicting. If you feel bogged down in life, maybe even struggle with depression, stop buying, and start purging! Purge smart too. There are plenty of great organizations who will happily take your stuff and put it to good use. Typically, I like to find families in need to give to directly, or I give to local crisis centers.

I think the biggest change of all for our family this Christmas is that we will truly have time as a family. For the past 7 or 8 Christmases, Christmas has revolved around the work of the church. The Christmas Eve services and Easter services at a mega-church are like the Superbowl for the NFL. The work behind the production is months in the making. It takes countless hours of manpower to pull it off. It is exciting and fun and crazy and all-consuming. Mark loved his job. He was really good at it too, if I do say so myself. I think his ability to plan, administrate, build a team to delegate tasks to, and execute a production got better and better every year. I understood the amount of hours and energy it took to produce and perform in 6-8 services of that caliber in a matter of days, and I was committed to picking up the slack at home in order to support him. It was my ministry to him and to our church. All that to say, understanding and being committed did not change the effect it had on our family. This year Christmas gets to be simple for us. We get to spend time together as a family without Mark being completely and utterly exhausted. This may be the only year like this for us. I don’t know what the future holds for us when in comes to Christmas and Christmas services, but I know that this year we have a reprieve. Christmas this year will be a Sabbath. The thought of it causes me to take a deep breath.

For more thoughts on doing Christmas differently, please check out my dear friend Jen Hatmaker’s blog post The Christmas Conundrum. She finally put in print the years of conversations we have had among our friend group. Thank you, Jen!

My prayer for you and your loved ones is that Christmas is a time of love, light, reflection and togetherness. I pray that you may know Christ more intimately and deeply and that through knowing Him and loving Him you would pour out love to others.